Abigail

My youngest daughter starts school tomorrow. No longer my baby, she is now a big kindy kid.  And for some reason tonight when I look at her sleeping my heart is breaking. 

It feels like an end of an era so to speak. When my first and second kids started school it was new, it was ok. It was expected and it was an exciting milestone. I understood they needed to go and I was a little sad leaving them but I still had a baby at home. I was still needed and I was still in the 'at home mum' stage. 

Having three babies in three years was hard work. And sometimes during the muddle and mess of routine and ups and downs I would think 'when they are all at school I can work' 'when they are all at school I can go have a hot drink alone' 'when they are all at school....'

Tonight it dawned on me that the moment I had wished for fleetingly through the years had come true. And I am sad. 

I don't want them to grow up. I feel strange entering a new phase. Im scared of who I will be. Im scared that life is racing by. 

It has made me more happy with our decision to travel. A selfish six months to enjoy our kids. To stop and smell the roses. To slow down the race. To just be.

So wish me luck tomorrow as I leave my little people at the school gate. And as I enter the unknown.