Today the idea of travelling has lost its appeal. I am tired and emotionally exhausted and the idea of actually DOING this holiday is making me feel like I want to curl up in a ball and sleep.
Craig is stressed about how much he has to do to the car and how little time he has to do it. He is annoyed because we no longer have our house with a big shed and he is trying to do stuff in the driveway here at the unit. His frustration levels are at an all time high. And I understand it. His tools are in storage. It is hot in the driveway.
He also has the added pressure of this work. This is the first job in a long time that he actually likes. I would go as far to say he loves it. The money isn't as good as working away but it pays well for an in town job. It has good hours and is close to home. I know he is worried about how he will tell his boss as he doesn't want to upset anyone.
We are a family that is used to our house and our space. The girls have been bickering today. Getting in each others way. Wanting to play outside but theres no yard. Matilda has hung around me all morning. Wanting to make things and wanting to roller skate around the house. They are opening the front door. every. five. minutes. There are flies everywhere inside.
Also, we are back into the swing of school term. The kids are settling into school and getting birthday party invites and making friends that they want to have play dates with. The idea of taking them away from their normality is confusing.
Gem the dog is so clingy. Since loosing Ruby she likes to sit by my side every second she can get. I don't want to leave her for six months.
And me? well I am looking at houses to buy on realestate.com. I want to run as fast as I can back to my normal. Back to the safeness of every day life. Back to what we have always done. Im scared of this change. Even though its only a small change in the scheme of things it seems big right now. Big enough to sell our house, back up our belongings and leave behind all we know.
Big enough to be scary and make me want to change my mind.
But we are already SO SO close. Only 7 weeks till we hit the road.
We are all stressed, I know this holiday will be worth it but then again I don't want the next 7 weeks spent being stressed and upset while we wait to go. Right now it would be easy to just leave tomorrow. Slip out the back door and head off. No more planning, no more waiting.
Geez I am a sad sack aren't I. Must take a happy pill and cheer the hell up. And maybe stop putting my sorrows all over the internet!